Sith of the Roaring Springs
by Moonfire
Summary: Darth Maul. A waterslide park. A Jedi wet T-shirt contest...mayhem ensues, but no Mary Sues;)


SITH OF THE ROARING SPRINGS  
  
  
The crackling, clashing lightsabers echoed off the chamborous walls as Obi Wan and Qui Gon fought Darth Maul. Maul lept behind a red energy field and stood there basically mocking them. Suddenly, a look of shock crossed his face and he disappeared. The column the energy field had been suspended from then turned, and deactivated the red light. Puzzled and cautious, the two Jedis stepped through it...  
  
***  
  
Jar-Jar was chasing down his next meal underwater near the Gungun city when he made a wrong turn. The energy transferrence field had somehow extended from Coruscant to Naboo through space, and he got sucked into it. He swam through...  
  
...and ended up underwater at the crowded wave pool at Roaring Springs Waterslide Park in Meridian, Idaho.   
  
He surfaced like a rocket, upending innertubes full of screaming kids.   
  
"Woa! Mesa LIKE this!" he smiled from ear to ear as he dove around the waves, bodysurfing and showing off his aquatic skills. The clueless kids and lifeguard just thought he was some wacko in a Jar-Jar costume.   
  
"Hey, look! It's Jar-Jar Binks!" one of them yelled, as if no one else noticed. He was thrown an innertube that got stuck around his shoulders.   
  
"Mesa stuck!" he wailed, struggling and spinning around as the waves cascaded over him, his eyes darting around. The kids laughed and pried him out, then he toppled over headfirst in the water just as a six foot wave came cascading down. "Blub-blub-blub..." went Jar-Jar as he was towed underwater. Before he could resurface, he was knocked unconscious by a bunch of kicking feet. A lifeguard saw what happened, and blew the whistle.   
  
"Everybody out!" he shouted as the wave machine was turned off.  
  
***  
  
Darth Maul was hurtling through a cavernous black space with the Jedi fools right behind him, Obi Wan screaming at the top of his padawan lungs. It seemed the drop would never end, and Maul's own stomach churned for release from this unrelenting torture. Suddenly, the cave opened up to a sickeningly bright yellow winding chute and for the first time, he noticed his clothes were wet. He continued to slide, unable to stop it, even with the Force. His boots strained to block the unending fall to no avail until he finally splashed down into a four foot wading pool filled with clear blue water.   
  
He turned around to face the screaming, emerging Jedis, a gleeful smile temporarily crossing his face at their terror. He activated his saber at them, forgetting that one side dangled in the water. It immediately shorted out. With a shriek of rage, he turned to run out of the pool, but his wet robes dragged him down and slowed his escape to a stumbling crawl. Not that Obi Wan and Qui Gon were doing any better, their own long robes pulling them back in the swirling water. Their duel took the form of a wrestling match as they splashed around clumsily. The lifeguard thought they were just a bunch of wacko Phantom Menace groupies and blew the whistle at them.   
  
"Hey! Take that somewhere else!" he yelled down at them from the side of the pool. Maul glared up at him from his position atop Kenobi and the lifeguard's eyes glazed over. Without another word, he walked away.   
  
***  
  
Jar-Jar had revived and was now walking toward Rattlesnake Rapids, where the Jedis and Maul had just gone. The big black tube slide had caught his eye, and curiosity led him dumbly toward it. A group of kids hung around him on all sides, looking up at him admiringly and tugging on his ear.   
  
"Can I ride with you mister? Huh? Huh?"   
  
"Yousa hurtin Jar-Jar's ear!" he whined, releasing the over-exhuberent child's grip. Then he brightened. "Sure! Come on!" He started running, the kids laughing behind him.   
  
He saw the conveyor belt with all the innertubes, and thought it was a lift to the top. "Ooh, mesa catch a ride!" Jar-Jar exclaimed, hopping on the slowly moving track that went up at no less than a ninety degree angle. He ignored the protests from the lifeguards and the kids as he clung to one of the tubes. Gravity got the better of him, and he toppled off, right into the wading pool with the Jedis and Maul.   
  
The resulting splash ejected everyone but Jar-Jar. Frustrated, the Jedis and Maul all took off their outer clothes so that they wore only pants and undershirts. Suddenly, an announcement came through on a bullhorn.  
  
"Hey, there's a wet T-shirt contest going on now by the Lazy River! So all you guys and gals who think you have what it takes can line up now!"  
  
They didn't hear it, they were too busy chasing each other past the lockers. Their sabers now dried out enough to reactivate, they swung them heartily, destroying more lockers than each other. Precious valuables and clothes spilled out, which they trampled. Jar-Jar, who had just gotten threatened by the lifeguard, was right behind them, and clumsily thwarted Maul's next swing at Obi Wan's head.   
  
"Scuse me!" he jabbered, ducking as Maul's saber barely missed his own head. "How wude!"  
  
He stalked over to the refreshment stand and snagged a mustard covered hotdog with his tongue.   
  
"Hey, you gonna pay for that?" the attendant said. Jar-Jar smiled nervously and ambled off on his way. He threw the hotdog stick over his shoulder and it got fried with Obi Wan's saber. Now they were fighting on the bridge over the lazy river, right by the line of wet T-shirt contestants.   
  
"And we have a winner!" the judge announced, totally as oblivious to their fighting as they were to him. "Actually, we have three!" The other contestants looked baffled. Some scowled, mostly they were male.   
  
"Hey, you guys, drop those toys and get over here!" the judge said, and that got their attention. He must have had command of the Force, for they all found themselves walking blindly over. "You have just won gift certificates to the Pleasure Boutique!" The crowd ooh and ahhed. "Congradulations, gentleman. Now you can get back to whatever you were doing." The crowd split up, except for a group of girls who flocked to their sides. Jar-Jar then came barrelling through them with a group of kids on his heels, no longer interested in their enthusiasm. He knocked the three duelers over like bowling pins, and they fell in the Lazy River. The girl groupies forgotten, they all got on innertubes and ignited their sabers, prepared to finish the duel by water. They floated swiftly along, using the force to keep them together so they could take swings at each other.   
  
Maul caught up to Qui Gon and speared him with his saber, and a lifeguard caught him to take him to an ambulance. Then Maul's saber shorted out again under a waterfall and Obi Wan finished him off, leaving him to another medic. Jar-Jar dove into the river to escape the kids, and hid underwater. At the "accident" scene, another medic questioned Obi Wan.   
  
"Emergency contact?" he asked.   
  
"Uh, Yoda." Obi Wan stammered.   
  
(to be continued) 


End file.
